Reason #5: Somehow, Having a Moustache Isn’t Creepy

May 18, 2009

That bastion of masculinity, creepy policemen and P.E. teachers – the moustache. Looks so wrong, yet somehow it feels so cozy and right. Well, now you have the perfect opportunity to let that facial flourish relish as it always should’ve. Because, somehow, the moustache is like a videogame power-up in the gay world. You’ll never [...]

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Reason #4: Your Shitty Tribal Tattoos Are Transformed into Smoking Hot Sexual Accessories

May 17, 2009

They seemed like such an awesome idea when you were angrily listening to Korn and Sevendust during your university years, but the tribal tattoos which adorn your torso now look more akin to the scraps of a leather jacket which have melded with your skin. Not to worry! You can now bandy around words like [...]

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Reason #3: You Get to Choose Between Flannel or Sequins, then Use Them to Coat EVERYTHING in your Life

May 17, 2009

There’s a well-known stage most fellas in the closet arrive at in life: the sudden, explosive need to coat absolutely everything they wear – nay, they OWN – in either sequins or flannel. It’s all uphill from that point on! These clothing styles are generally accompanied by an ongoing impersonation of the world’s most articulate [...]

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Reason #2: You’ll Always Be Able to Talk Your Way Out of a Sly Fart

May 16, 2009

We’ve all been in those awkward moments: a terrifying elevator ride where your stomach threatens to expel your lunchtime curry in the most vocal manner possible. You can try to hold it in, but it’ll still escape like a gaseous, nasty-streaked Houdini. That’s where the awesomeness of being a homo comes into play. When you’ve [...]

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Reason #1: Gay Community Newspapers Are Pretty Much Just Soft Porn

May 16, 2009

Your regular community newspaper consists of dreary, recycled council news. Funding battles! Store openings! Shitty local theatre! You’ll be glad to know that gay community newspapers are a delightful collection of writhing torsos advertising everything from cars to holidays. In fact, see that cover up there featuring a boxer? That’s promoting a story within the [...]

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