Now that you’ve fully committed to the gay lifestyle, you’ll find that you’re at a particular competitive advantage in specific sporting arenas.
Specifically, wrestling is an interesting one. You don’t need any real strategy – just jump in headfirst to your favourite sexual position combined with a headlock. Your abundance of enthusiasm will hopefully surprise your competitor into miscalculating their moves.
If all else fails, sleazily lick your competitor’s neck. You can’t lose: you’ll either score a blowjob in the change rooms afterwards, or a terrified submission causing your victory.
See also: rugby scrums.
Photo: Beth Rankin
